Vikings?  There ain't no vikings here.  Just us honest farmers.  The town was burning, the villagers were dead.  They didn't need those sheep anyway.  That's our story and we're sticking to it.
Jesus saves...  passes to Moses...  Shoots...  scores!
C program run.  Run, program, run.  Please?
Do wizards use spell checkers?
A cult is a religion with no political power.
(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (I)nfluence with large hammer ?
File not found.  Should I fake it (Y/n):
Life is a terminal sexually transmitted disease.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
The days of the digital watch are numbered.
G=Guns.  PG=Plenty of Guns.  PG-13=More than 12 Guns.
4 out of 5 people think the fifth is an idiot.
"Oops." -- Richard Nixon
Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand.
Chain tagline, steal and add 1 to this number - 4
Tandy - you can buy better, but you can't pay more.
Feist's law: Never assume the universe evolved in the order you discovered it.
Data Processing: solving tommorrow's problems tommorrow.
KEYBOARD : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas.  Took the dog.  Dorothy.
E ae Jesu dominae, dona aes requiem...(THUNK)  E ae Jesu dominae,
:.::: ::..: ::.::. :..:: Tagline in Braille
Have you hugged a Klingon today (and lived)?
To know is not to say.  To say is not to know.  Ya know?
Illiterate?  Write for free brochure...
From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
We've replaced the Dilithium they normally use with Folger's Crystals...
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
This sounds sinister and illegal.  Tell me more.
Preposition: Poor word to end a scentence with.
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like an apple.
Stupidity is NOT a handicap!  PARK ELSEWHERE!
A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the casket.
Weather forecast for tonight : dark.
Network management is like trying to herd cats.
We are NOT surrounded.  We are in a target-rich environment.
Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
Can you really have a ban on censorship?
I threw caution to the wind.  It threw it back.
Danke schane, pilgrim, danke schane... - John Wayne Newton
This Old Pyramid, with Bob Vilahotep.
Virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast, and juice.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
California does have its faults.
Adam to Eve: "I'll wear the plants in this family!"
Electronics NEED smoke, and don't work after it leaks out...
I have a full deck.  I'm just a slow shuffler...
Get the facts first.  Then panic.
Where there's smoke, there's toast.
L.A.P.D.  We treat you like a King.
The thing most generally raised on land is taxes.
Other than that, Ms. Lincoln, how was the play?
Operator!  Trace this call and tell me where I am.
With fronds like you, who needs anemones?
Lawyer: a cat who settles differences between mice.
Bones!  It's the Pirate Roberts!  He's Dread, Jim!
Stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancies.
Windows: Attractive & Easy, Slut of the CPU
A clear conscience is actually a bad memory.
Cheerios are donut seeds.
No Entrance!  No Exit!  No Loitering!
Windows 3.1 - The colorful clown suit for DOS...
Dogs come when you call.  Cats have answering machines.
"Why Johnny can't read" -- now available on VHS...
"Hello," the lawyer lied.
An ounce of pretension = a pound of manure.
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
Any fool can criticize.  Most do.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Bacteria: the only culture some people have.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called?
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Open the restroom door HAL.  Dammit HAL, I'm not kidding!
Lawyer (n): Larval stage of Politician.
A crucivix?  Oi vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
If stupidity is its own punishment, some of us are doing life.
Einstein, can you feed Schrodinger's cat?  We asked Heisenberg, but he wasn't sure...
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
To err is human, to MOO is bovine.
Don't play stupid with me!  I'm better at it!
In a nuclear war, all men are creamated equally.
Scrute the inscrutable.  Eff the ineffable.
Censor: Man who knows more'n he thinks you oughta know.
SUBLIMINALsend moneyTAGLINE
Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
Sure, Patrick, but will the pontiac do warp 9?
PS: Sorry about the crayon, they won't let me have any sharp objects.
186,000 miles/sec, 'eh, so what's the speed of dark...
They also surf who only stand on waves.
Ever had deja vu and memory loss at the same time?
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If possible I'll do a feasability study on the question of viability.
Hey Santa, how much for a copy of your list of naughty girls?
He does the work of three men...  Larry, Moe, and Curly.
Norton Virus report found windows 3.1 <R>emove <D>elete <F>ormat C:
Diplomacy: the art of letting other people have your way.
Politician: a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate clauses.
Necessity is the mother of invention.  Murphy is the father of damage!
Pardon me boy, is this the lair of great Cthulu?
If you would know a man, observe how he treats his cat.
If you would know a man, observe how your cat treats him.
Al, I just leaped into a tagline.  What does Ziggy have to say?
If you have to eat crow, do it while it's still fresh.
Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art.
Suddenly, embarrasingly, Morgan's swash became unbuckled.
As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716...
Sisyphys never had to deal with a LAN.
"A mind is a terrible thing" - Dan Quayle.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls.  Let the machine get it.
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Dr. Livingston I Presume was Dr. Presume's full name.
Sects! Sects! Sects!  Is that all you monks think about?
Desperate times call for cheap shots.
Deja clue: the feeling you've solved this mystery before.
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free, or IBM compatible.
Does water sink or float?  (It swims.)
I have a dream: Sword, +1, +5 vs. Republicans.
Cry "ribbit" and let slip the frogs of war!
Silly rabbit, tricks are for hookers.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
Funadmentalism: n. Fund- (give cash), -amentalism (without brains).
Greetings from Hell, wish you were here.
Fuzzy logic: a vulcan contemplating a tribble.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
"Perhaps if I revert to human form it will calm them" - Colossus.
"Spock, I thought you were dead"  "I rebooted, Captain."
"and lo, ye shall throw money at the problem" - Government 19:3
CATALYST: n. An alphabetical list of cats.
Do fundamentalists do more than Lay people?
Immitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
The definition of suspense:
Transvestite: A man who wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
"While my assistant, Jim, wrestles Cthulu..." - Marlon Perkins.
Immanuel Kant, but Kubla Kahn.
"I prefer to call it the Prime Suggestion." -- James Tiberius Kirk.
Carpe DM -- Sieze the Dungeon Master!
Do we have to save the universe AGAIN?!?!?!
Charmed, I'm sure. - Quark.
If it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it.
Spock's world!  Spock's world!  Amok Time!  Fascinating!
The tin can was invented in 1812, the can opener in 1845.
I'm not afraid of a little death!  What's it gonna do, kill me?
Do SCA rednecks have crossbow racks in their pickups?
USER ERROR: Strike user to continue.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
"I'd love to help you out.  Which way did you come in?" - Groucho.
And this is Lt. Worf.  Would you like to beat the hell out of him?
Beam me a broad, Scotty...
To do is to be -- Marx.  Do be do be do -- Sinatra.
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
Oh lord, please protect me from all of your followers.
How do I set my laser printer to "stun"?
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.
For Warm Boot: put boot in dryer for 20 mins.
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
Propyl People Ether: CH3-CH2-CH2-o<-<-o<-<-o<-<-CH2-CH2-CH3
Alexander the Grape: He concord the world.
Helicopters don't fly, they beat the air into submission.
Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly.
I wouldn't touch that with a 3.048 meter pole.
Give him 2.54 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
When your IQ gets to 40, sell.
I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat.
I think it was "Blessed are the Cheesemakers."
I'd prefer the non-smoking lifeboat, please.
"Imaginary numbers.. Like Eleventeen and Thirty-Twelve" - Hobbes.
Twinkle, twinkle, little Earth.  How I wonder what you're worth.
Do I BELIEVE in the bible?!  HELL man, I've SEEN one!!!
Greetings from Ball Point, Penn.
Greetings from Critical, Mass.
Guns don't kill people, it's those darn little bullets.
"Facts are obstinate things." - Joseph Stalin.
"Facts are stupid things." - Ronald Regan.
Politics: Poly (many) + ticks (bloodsucking parasites)
Felonious assault: throwing a cat at someone.
I can name that file in TWO bytes!
Why bother phoning a psychic?  Let them phone you!
"La Quinta" is Spanish for "Next to Denny's"
Last one out of Washington, please don't forget to flush.
Isn't saying you flew in a plane like saying you swam in a boat?
2001 dalmations: "My stars, it's full of dogs!"
Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
Stop plate tectonics.
If space is a vacuum, does that mean the Universe sucks?
I am McMahon of borg.  You may already be assimilated.
I'd rather have a dirty mind than be brainwashed.
I'd install windows, but I'd kinda like to have programs, too.
... *ding* HUMOROUS TAGLINE FOUND, INITIATING THEFT SEQUENCE.
UNNAMED LAW : If it happens, it must be possible.
"Why do you stay with that sadist?"  "Beats me!"
I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career.
Why do so many blondes dye their roots black?
The human race is still in beta testing.
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.
I was a Catholic once too.  Boy, what a Cult!
Wizard's Guild Parking Only.  Violators will be toad.
BorgDOS v6.0  - Format C: [Y/y]  Resistance is futile.
Can you trust me with a child if you can't trust me with a choice?
E-mail returned due to insufficient voltage.
Sometimes silence is golden.  Sometimes it is just yellow.
Silence is unheard of.
Why do the people I follow around seem so paranoid?
qatlh tlob qatlh (klingon for "why ask why")
I DO NOT... I do not yell.  -- Worf
Laser printer on stun, Mr. Worf.
Humans are just like you and me, except, they're humans.
This tagline is functioning within normal parameters.
This tagline brought to you by the letter 'T'.
Sounds like there's too much chlorine in your genetic pool.
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side order of fries.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
We are upping our standards... so up yours.
I still don't have a handle on life, but I have it's FCB.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
Professor: one who talks in other people's sleep.
Windows: n. A virus with mouse support.
Intel: putting the backward into backward compatable.
Unzip, expand, explode...  What pervert came up with this?
This space-time doohickey makes the coolest noises!
Only the mediocre are always at their best - Jean Giraudoux
"I hate quotations." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle.
Life is what happens while you're making other plans. - John Lennon
I do not think you will accept my help, as I'm waiting to kill you - Inigo
Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.
Gone Chopin: Bach in 5 minuets.
The young know the rules.  The old know the exceptions.
Day++, Dollar++;
Not tonight, honey... I'm deleting Windows.
Which hole in a flute does the noise come out of?
Young's second law: it is the dead wood that holds up the tree.
"Drop the guy with the devil ears." -- NBC, June, 1965.
Sure, when OINK FLAP OINK FLAP ... I'll be damned.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." -- Napoleon.
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.
Rap is to music what windows is to operating systems.
A bumbling enemy is the best kind of friend you can have.
Screw the Prime directive Mr. Worf, upload WINDOWS 3.1 to the borg!
My dog thinks he's human.  My cat thinks he's god.
It's the cat's house.  We just pay the mortgage.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
del banquo.*   del damnspot.*
Veni, vidi, velcro -- I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Hey, who turned reality back on?
I takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
Diplomacy gets you out of what tact would have prevented.
You *can* go home again.  Just type "cd ~".
Of course I know how to copy disks.  Where's the xerox machine?
I must have a rapier wit.  Everyone keeps parrying.
An expert is someone from off-planet with a briefcase.  --  Robert Asprin
He's dead, Jim.  I -TOLD- him not to wear red!
Chocolate sauce is not the answer to bad cooking.
It just doesn't get any BETA than this.
A sword in the hand is worth two in the stone.
IRS (n): Income Reduction Service.  See Also: Microsoft.
If you throw a cat out a car window, is it kitty litter?
Clone what?  For personal use, eh?  Hmmm...
Peace (n): A period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Bad COMMAND!  BAAAD COMMAND! Sit!  STAAYYY!
Windows NT - C64 emulator for your Pentium.
Timing may not be everything, but it sure re-organizes everything else.
Polar Bear: Cartesian bear after coordinate translation.
A penny saved is rediculous.
Heisenbug: Any bug that goes away when debugging tools are used.
Love is blind and God is love; is Ray Charles God?
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
Return stewardess to origional upright position...
Crashing is the only thing windows 3.1 does quickly.
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
If you believe in free speech, can I use your phone?
Crime doesn't pay?  Does that mean my job is a crime?
With great power comes...  ah, what the heck - toast him!
No one believes the sincere except the honest.
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
I don't eat anything I can't identify, describe, or pronounce.
Yes, there's an easy way.  But it's not _fun_.
You'd better not ask if you'd rather not know.
Backrub Fandom: It's Nice to be Kneaded.
I take my pet lion to church every sunday... He has to eat.
Have a nice day.  Void where prohibited.
Oh, champagne - I love it!  It tastes like your foot's asleep.
I'm not trying to be a hero!  I'm fighting the dragon!
This tagline sponsored by the law offices of Dewey Cheatham and Howe.
Theatre is life.  Film is art.  Television is furniture.
Actions speak louder than words, but not as often.
No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't help, anyway.
He said get along little doggie.  I bought a daschund.
Criminal lawyer (n): Redundant term.  See "weasel".
Free Willy!  (With each $25 purchase)
Destiny shapes our ends, but our middles are of our own chewing.
In God we trust - you pay in gold.
War is God's way of teaching us geography.
"There's an energy source in the liver of that cloud."
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Beheading: the ultimate loss of face.
Never knock on death's door.  Ring the doorbell and run.  He hates that.
I embarrased my species again, didn't I?
Does the word "incomprehensible" mean anything to you?
Welcome to the church of the holy cabbage.  Lettuce pray.
Aids is a virus.  The Republican Party is a punishment from God.
All Scottish food is based on a dare.
All we are, basically, is monkeys with car keys.
Some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps.
I had my car's alignment checked... It's Chaotic Evil.
One of the Few, the Proud, an Away team security force survivor!
Chaste: Why virgins run.
And all the children are above average in our system...
Calvin: "I guess I'm a child progeny."  Hobbes: "Most children are."
Dog for sale.  Eats anything and is fond of children.
Your hard drive's all backed up?  I'll get the draino...
"Mr Worf, scan that ship."  "Aye, Captain.  300 dpi?"
Prrrt eowr meowr meowrrr -- Catanese proverb
Mary had a little lamb, some white wine, and a salad.
Been there, done that, tripped the alarm, came here.
I think I can safely say we're all in great danger.
Research has found that research causes cancer in mice.
Just say no.  The only dope worth shooting is Rush Limbaugh.
Only the insane can accomplish the impossible.
Slavery: It's not just a job, it's indenture.
"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." - B Gates
Windows detected!  Delete? (YES/HELL YES)
Smith & Wesson: The origional point-and-click interface.
God dislikes money.  Look who she gives it to.
I want what money can't buy -- more money.
It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.
It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master.
Warp 5 ... engage.  No, no, Mr. Data.  More clutch.
DOS ERROR: Please remove cat from drive A:
He who slings mud looses ground.
"Do you believe in a higher power?"  "Sure.  Solar."
I'd like to panic now if nobody else objects.
She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth.
Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday.
DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell.
Mary had a little RAM, its bits were white as snow.
To err is human, to glub piscine.
Help Wanted:  Telepath.  You know where to apply.
Do not disturb.  Already disturbed.
Service: 1) What a bull does with a cow.  2) What the Phone Co. provides.
Infants don't enjoy infancy like adults enjoy adultery.
Pardon my driving... I'm trying to reload.
Mona Lisa was framed!
We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the phone company.
TRE_MEN_DOUS COS_MIC POW_ER, itty bitty tagline.
There's safety in numbers -- .357 for example.
Most of the "missing matter" in the universe might be under beds.
M.S. DOS 6.0, now you can't just blame Windows!
Jurassic Park II: Barney Goes Off His Medication
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Window Error: 01B Illegal error.  Do not get this error.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Old Mac donald had a 'puter with an EIA I/O
Can I yell "SCIENCE" in a crowded Religion conference?
Rap is to music... is not... is too... is NOT!!!
After you throw in the Tao, what Zen?
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Gunfighting rule #1 - You must have a gun.
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree.
Murphy's rule of combat: Incoming fire has the right of way.
142 Mexican whooping llamas...
The problem with the rat race is that the rats keep winning.
Every mighty oak was once a nut that stood its ground.
Old McDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.  EIEIO.
There's an emergency going on...  It's still going on. - Holly
Play Sousa's "Liberty Bell March", Sam...
I have no problems with God.  It's his fan clubs I hate.
Welcome to Hell, here's your copy of Windows.
Excited, Spock pulls out a new box of pointy ear tips...
General Brain Failure.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h.
"Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate bastards." -- Eric Ford.
Apathy error: strike any key, or none for that matter...
Sure, we just route the main sensor through Data's cat.
I think my data transmission is low on fluid.
If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid.
Doubt is the root of education, not faith.
Well, technically you're right, the world ISN'T round.  It's spherical.
"...but Your Honor, the light had dopplered to green." - A. Einstein.
"We look for things to make us go."  "Laxatives, aisle seven."
Do not think there is not a better way to think.
Tautologically redundant plethora of excess surplussage.
My mind often wanders and brings back tacky souvenirs.
Common sense is the layer of prejudice laid down in the mind prior to the age of eighteen. - A.Einstein
ZenCrafters: Total Enlightenment, in about an hour.
To boldly go where no sane person has any business.
You'll go far, but I'm not sure in what direction.
Nothing like slitting your throat with the cutting edge of technology.
Troubleshooting shortcut #1: Shoot the trouble.
Sticks and stones may break my....OUCH!!!!!!!!!!
If tennis elbow is painful, imagine what tennis balls are like.
Gather 'round like cattle and ye shall be herd.
Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do?
Look at my tagline, ye mighty, and despair!
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
"I know someone with the exact same name!"  "Really? Who?"
Mason-Dixon: The line that seperates y'all from youse-guys.
Alas, poor Yorick.  He's dead, Jim.
Politicians and diapers need changing often, for similar reasons.
Extra credit: Define the universe.  Give three examples.
"Windows Everywhere" -- landfills, septic tanks...
640K = 4480K in dog bytes.
Windows NT, do I hear 4 megs? 5 megs, do I hear 6? 7, 8! Do I hear 12?
"We have no crime after dark."  "Swat team?"  "Vampires."
My girlfriend's schzophrenic, but she's good people.
For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
Never play "holier than thou" with Zeus.
If this isn't war, why is CNN massing on the border?
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
I support the right to keep and arm bears.
Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it.
Politically correct: Holier than thou in a trendy sort of way.
A bozon is the particle produced when clowns collide - John Dechancie
Windows: So intuitive it only needs one meg of help files.
I hate you, you hate me, let's throw Barney in the sea...
I love you, you love me, Barney gave me H.I.V...
Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything - Pogo.
I am Hamlet of Borg.  Prepare to be... or not to be.
Sector not found... Did you look under the sofa?
Pick two: 1)Fast 2)Cheap 3)Bug-free 4)Windows (counts as 2)
Hal 9000: Dave, put down those Windows disks.  Dave...  Daaaaaavvvvvveeeee...
You can't turn on the same computer twice (Heraclitus)
Back up my hard drive?  And what, run over something?
It's cheap.  It's powerful.  It blows up sometimes.  Wadda ya want?
You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
Jesus is coming!  Look busy!
"Q wants to do something NICE for me."  "I'll alert the crew."
You're listening to KPLA, Klingon radio.  All glory, all the time!
We have engaged the Borg.  The wedding is friday!
I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
If windows sucked it would be good for something.
"Bother," said Pooh.  "It's your husband, and he has a gun."
It's easier to create a God than it is to create a microbe.
Eschew obfuscation.
Windws is ine for bckgroun comunicaions - Bll Gats, 192
Mirror mirror on the wall, where'd I leave my crystal ball?
How do we know you're the *real* Angel of Death?
Hey, I wanna be a non-conformist too!
Washington DC is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
If space is a vacuum... who changes the bags?
With this program you can forget about...  Uh...
Two guys walk into a bar...  *Clang*  *Clang*  "Oof!"  "Ow!"
A statesman shears the sheep.  A politician skins them.
People all wrapped up in themselves make for very small packages.
Arnold_Schwarzenegger = '/0';  /* A Null Terminator */
A critic knows the way, but can't drive the vehicle.
Every valuable idea offends someone.
"And you are NOT to refer to it as the Klingon Bar-Mitzvah."
Warning: Do not suspend belief directly overhead.
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
It takes a big man to cry.  It takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Hold (ESC)(CTRL)(ALT)(TAB)(SHIFT)(ENTER) & click here> X
Book of binding spells: The velcronomicon.
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Some people complain if you hang them with a brand new rope.
Attitude adjustments $29.95.  Alignment extra.
BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Southern DOS: "Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)"
A fool and his money are the better part of valor.
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Stranger in the night... Than in the daytime...
There's no glory in besting fools.
If you build it, he will come.  Press 1 to have him build it for you.
Windows: about as useful as air brakes on a turtle.
Gone fission - R. Oppenheimer
Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and
How many demigods does it take to change the sun?
The universe is flat.
Let's play doctor.  You operate and I'll sue.
John Wayne's World.  Party time, pilgrim.
Trust the stunt man, Luke.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I...
Profanity is the one language all programmers know.
If your god is dead, try one of mine!
Waiting for Chicago is like starving in a supermarket.
A system event?  Wow!  Can I get tickets?
You, you, and you panic.  The rest of you, come with me.
Windows: Veni, Vidi, Shelfi.
Mind like a... sieve?  Nah, that wasn't it.
Never say "always", and always avoid using "never".
"Captain, the computer is reporting that Elvis is on deck 11."
Camptown Races 6837.6 Meters Long. Do Dah!
while (e.coyote) genius();
2B or not 2B = FF
We couldn't repair your brakes, so we made the horn louder.
We assimilate prunes.  They make us go.  - Pakled of Borg
"We're the most powerful planet on this Earth." - Quayle.
Light speed!  Rediculous speed!  Ludicrous speed!
You have reached Jean-Paul Sartre's answering machine. I'm not here. You're not there.  Don't leave a message.  There is no beep.
Winter in Arizona falls on a tuesday this year.
Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
"I believe in a God that doesn't need heavy financing." - Fletch.
Ford, you're turning into a penguin.  Stop it.
Windows NT!  Now it's a server, AND a floor wax!
Along came the acid rain and etched the spider out.
Porky Picard: "Bedeebedeebedee... make it so, folks!"
It compiled, first screen came up??  Ship it! --Bill Gates
When buying a computer, remember: The old ones are no good, and the new ones are still full of bugs.
THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH! Aah... er... If it's okay with you.
If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound?
Set phasers on Cajun Style!
There's three kinds: lies, damn lies, and microsoft press releases.
If at first you don't succeed, get more ammo.
Shell to Dos...  Come in Dos...  Do you copy?
To know is to know that to know is not to know.
For a good prime, call (2^756839)-1
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
You get a free t-shirt when you join our nudist colony.
Two hands working do more than a thousand clasped in prayer.
Buddhist asks for pizza: "Make me one with everything."
Faith says the world won't end tomorrow, Reason says it didn't start yesterday.
I compute, therefore IBM.
Tap my phone?  Just what sort of syrup are you making?
The rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Old immortals don't die, the just... don't.
Your raise will become effective when you are.
Tree falls in forest.  Hits Milli Vanilli.  Someone else screams.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
"Press to test" <Click> "Release to detonate"
(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (I)nfluence with large hammer?
A day without sunshine is like night.
A fool always finds a greater fool to follow him.
Abandon all hope ye who PRESS ENTER here.
All power corrupts, but we need electricity -- D.W. Jones.
All stressed up and no place to go.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts.
Christopher Robin Hood: Steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh.
Cretin (n): Congenital Looser.
WorkSleepWorkSleepWorkSleepWorkSleepWorkSleepPartyPartySleep
An object at rest cannot be stopped.
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
In the New Age, there's a seeker born every minute.
I don't mean to sound cold or cruel, but I am, so that's the way it comes out.
The honeymoon is the time between "I Do" and "You'd Better!"
Come over to the dark side, we have much better medical coverage.
Goldfish don't like Jello.
All I want is a warm bed, good food, and unlimited power.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you freak out.
Captain, logic indicates that we should run like hell.
Death called while you were out.  I have him your pager number.
100% of the people born in 1839 who ate carrots are dead.
Congress is too corrupt to be corruptible.
"Call it a hunch" -- Quasimodo.
Klingon bastard killed my son, doo dah, doo dah...
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walked.
"I can't believe it's not plutonium" - Energy without the risk.
"No, I meant BUD light." -- A. Einstein.
We will root out McCarthyism wherever it may be!
Intel: Quality you can count on, but not divide by.
It's just the IDEA of an inflatable rubber starship that bothers me.
M&Ms cannot be defined in a single word.
US Marine Corps: When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed overnight.
It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion.
'Not a morning person' doesn't even begin to cover it.
... and I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was a dying art!
... and she'll have fun, fun, fun 'til her daddy takes the broadsword away...
2 + 2 now equals 5.1578423.  Please recalibrate your equipment accordingly.
335/113 -- not the famous irrational pi, but an incredible simulation!
43% of all statistics are worthless.
5 yards penalty for roughing the mouse.
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
A Silly Question: Has the whole world gone mad?
A woman is like a piano.  if she's not upright, she's grand.
A budget is something we go without to stay within.
A child of five could understand this.  Fetch me a child of five.
A flying saucer is the result of a nudist spilling his coffee.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul.
A hard man is good to find.
A heap is just a stack that tipped over.
A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
A king's castle is his home.
A little boggling is good for the mind.
A narwhal is just a beluga with a party hat on.
Live forever or die trying.
A process cannot be understood by stopping it.
A signature always reveal's a person's character, and sometimes even their name.
A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.
A true professional knows when to bend the rules.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
A watched clock never boils.
Marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish.
Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here.
Abstention makes the heart grow fonder.
Academic infighting is vicious because the stakes are so low.
Access denied.  Nyah, nyah, nyah!!!
Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is?
Adequate safeguards always involve some loss of efficiency.
Aha!  Pronoun trouble!
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
Not all change is growth, as not all movement is foreward.
Everyone can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down.
Life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
All my life I wanted to be someone.  I guess I should have been more specific.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
All wiyht... Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All you need is a cleaver, and you can do all kinds of damage.
American Non-Sequitor Society -- We don't make sense but we do like pizza!
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An elf with dampened dignity can become extremely inconvenient.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Ankh if you love isis.
Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
Another advantage of eating your lover is no wrappers to throw away.
Another case of too many scientists, not enough hunchbacks.
Another deadline, another miracle.
Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse.
Any nation which requires an army has no right to exist.
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable from doubletalk.
Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable from hard work.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Anything not nailed down is mine.  Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
As someone once remarked to Schubert -- Take me to your Lieder.
Assassins, Inc.  We aim to please!
Assassins do it from behind.
At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you.  Have a nice day.
At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year.
Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive of advice.
Autopsy is a dying practice.
Avoid cliches like the plague -- they're a dime a dozen.
BEWARE OF THE DOG.  Survivors will be prosecuted!
Baby for rent.  Night Rate.  Cheap.
Back off, man -- I'm a scientist.
Bad taste is timeless.
Balance the budget -- declare politicians a game species.
Ban the Bomb -- save the world for conventional warfare.
Bananas are a mockery -- to be shaped that way and remain soft.
Be careful when playing under the anvil tree.
Be creative - invent a perversion.
Be fruit fly and multiple.
Be nice to your kids.  They'll pick your nursing home.
Be origional, say "Yes".  Everyone else says "No".
Be sure to save your money.  You never know when it might be worth something.
Beam me up, Scotty -- it ate my phaser.
Beam me up, Scotty -- the elevators don't work.
Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Because I'm the editor, that's why!
Becoming number 1 is easier than staying number 1.
Beer and Wheaties -- the breakfast of ex-champions.
Behind every successful man is an amazed mother-in-law.
Behind our efforts, let there be found our efforts.
Being a pain in the ass is the perogative of the creative mind.
Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
Being wierd isn't enough.
Believe in Darwin -- cancer cures smoking.
Bend over, here it comes again.
Berzerkers do it without thinking.
Better latent than never.
Blond borgs have the same fun.
Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Born again Pagan.
Breakfast in London, Lunch in New York, luggage in Bermuda.
Breaking the law of gravity isn't painful, it's getting caught that hurts.
Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
Bus error (Passengers dumped)
Bush's Rule of Economics -- Blood is thicker than water, but cheaper than oil.
Busyhdo, the way of the shrub.  Bonsai!
But I like to breathe.  I'm good at it.
But is there a good way to die?
Actually, this IS the simplified version for the general public.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
But the time rules are needed, it's already too late.
C'est la vie.  C'est la guerre.  Celery.  Say no more.  Say what?
COBOL is the next best thing to coding it yourself in binary.
COBOL programing is an example of artificial inelegance.
COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits.
Conference on schizophrenia, I've half a mind to attend.
Caffiend.
Calculus sucks, but Tech blows enough to equalize the pressure.
Call it incest, but I want my mummy.
Calm down, it's only ones and zeroes.
Can't a critic give his opinion of an omlet without having to lay an egg?
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Celibacy is never hereditary.
Certified Public Assassin.
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
Chivalry is not dead, it's just harder to find fair maidens.
Chopped cabbage -- It's not just a good idea, it's the slaw.
Christian is to Bible as Communist is to Pravda.
Christmas is a registered trademark of Marshall Field & Co.
Cinderella married for money.
Circular definition: see circular definiton.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Coffee is my only REAL friend.
Cogito Ergo Spud -- I think, therefore I yam.
Cold milk, warm backrubs, hot baths... all temperature cheer.
Common courtesy is a contradiction in terms.
Communists do it without class.
Computer -- a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Conservitive - one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
Couch potatoes have brain tubers.
Cthulu saves -- in case he gets hungry later.
Cthulu ctucks, but does he cthwallow?
Death runs in the family.
Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast.
Democracy is where everyone gets what the majority deserves.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Digression is the better part of valor.
Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Distrust is usually mutual.
Do not disturb.  I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the first place.
Any questions?  Any answers?  Anyone care for a mint?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Does the noise in my head bother you?
Dogs come when called.  It's hell on the carpet.
Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't build more nukes until we use the ones we have.
Don't call up what you can't put on hold.
Don't hate yourself in the moring, sleep till noon.
Don't keep up with the Joneses, drag them down to your level.
The wages of sin are tax free.
Don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be let out alone.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Don't mind me, I'll just bleed.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.
Don't worry about it being bull, does it WORK?
Dragonriders do it in between.
Dyslexics untie!
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!  Together we can trip up the world.
E=MC^2 + 3d6
E Pluribus Modem
Eagles may soar, but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine.
Encouragement is one thing, cattle prods are quite another.
End rush-hour traffic now!  Legalize vehicular weaponry.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Entropy requires no maintenance.
Euclid was a square.
Even Naploean had his Watergate.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Every Spam is sacred.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege.
Everything is psychological if you think about it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Evolution - life's a niche and then you die.
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
FORD - Found On Road Dead, Fix Or Repair Daily
Fantasy isn't our crutch, it's arcane.
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Federal tax and extortion fees not included.
Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low blood sugar.
First generation Trekker - 6609.08
Flat Mars Society
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team of trained solipsists.
Forewarned is half an octopus.
Formal party tonight - shoes are required.
Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed.
Freshmen are dangerous, they think they know what they're doing.
Fried but surviving.
Fundamentalists do it by the Book.
Gamble if you want to win.
Garbage in, Gospel out.
Gene Roddenberry, Isaac Asimov, Jim Henson, Dr Suess, Mel Blanc... Sigh...
Genitals prefer blondes.
Get busy with that knot in the end of your spinal cord.
Get thee down.  Be thou funky.
Global Village Idiot
Go Lemmings Go!
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
God is love, but get it in writing.
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving.
Gravity always gets me down
Great!  First I get stabbed, then I'm bleeding!
Gresham's Law -- Bad money drives out the good money.
Hackers do it with bugs.
Hacking is a conversational black hole.
Hail to the Sun God!  He is the Fun God!  Ra!  Ra!  Ra!
Half of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit.
Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear view mirror.
Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
Have Tardis, will travel.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
Have an affair, it'll help break up the monogamy.
Have no fear.  I never attack lesser beings.
He couldn't be a twin, they'd have both died of fright at birth.
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
One who has imagination without learning wings but no feet.
He who shines his bust of Plato is waxing philosophical
He's dead, Jean-luc.
He's dead, Jim.  You take his phaser, I'll get his wallet.
He's supposed to sound like he's in pain.  he's a folk singer.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Hedonist for Hire -- no job to easy.
Hello.  My name is Batman.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.
Hello.  My name is Oedipus.  You are my father.  Prepare to die.
Help a nun kick the habit.
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
Her room is just a bigger version of her purse.
Heralds don't pun -- they cant.
Hi!  I can't remember your name either.
Hi!  I'm a .sig virus.  Join the fun and copy me into your .sig!
Hi, ho!  Kermit the Borg here, and welcome again to The Assimilation Show!
High Voltage Electronics -- life's a glitch, and then you fry.
Hindsight is 20/20.
His condition has stabilized... he's dead.
His heart's in the right place, but it isn't pumping any blood.
Hit any user to continue.
Hollow chocolate has no calories.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense.
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
I WENT THROUGH HELL!!! (Elvis says "Hi!")
I am Homer of Borg.  Prepare to be assim... Ummmm, Donuts.
I am NOT a happy camper.
I am not a number!  I am a free numeric variable!
I am not a trained killer.  I LEAD trained killers.
I am the Imp of the Perverse.  Knowing this won't help you either.
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
I avoid churches religiously.
I can't be late, I just got here!
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can find ye a loophole.
I cleaned up my act once, but decided it was more fun when it was dirty.
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies.
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to.
I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating.
I don't delegate responsibility, I delegate blame.
Virus checking initiated... Complete.  All viruses functioning normally.
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. – Elbert Hubbard
Any teacher that can be replaced by a computer, deserves to be. – David Thornburg

  
I think I have reached the Bejeweled portion of my novel outlining process. - @matociquala (Elizabeth Bear)
I'm making the tea, which is what English people do in stressful situations. - @neilhimself (Neil Gaiman)
Ha!  Using only a hotel coffeeemaker, a teabag, a packet of coffeemate & some water I have made something completely undrinkable! (Neil Gaiman)